Clap and Laughter....

I am feeling very very low and I don't know where to write. In fact, I don't even know if I will be able to express my self or not.

28th December 2010 - the best day of my life - when I got a Gold Medal. It was for I secured highest marks in Project. I was not at all happy because I got it for my BE, I was happy because it was for the first time in my life I got something that I had ever dreamed of. I had been a consistent topper till std. 10 during my school days, but my school never recognized it - though some of the teachers of it did. I have been good for a long time but all I had done was to clap - I never got a clap of my dream (and that was the reason why I was just standing and smiling at photographers and audience for the longest time on stage when I got medal !!). I felt it was not - not at all - for my bachelors but for the work I did till my bachelors. I finally for the first time got a clap of my dream.

As usual, a story can never have happy ending. The time came when clap was followed by laughter. I do not get a job. Well, let me tell you it all started when I joined and hardly completed 2 months. I get to know that the project for which I was recruited was shelved !!! I was transferred from projects to manufacturing. I had to work with shift chemists(Msc Chemistry) and operators (SSC pass) and some routine stuff (for which there is no need to do engg.!!!). I took leave and talked to my mentor about this and he tried to arrange me in projects unit but who nothing could save me. I went back and asked a very first question - has my profile changed? Got a very quick reply - your profile will be the same (you have to come in shifts in manufacturing only). Interestingly, my answer was spontaneous - then I resign. It was 7th December, 2010.

Let me be honest, luck has changed. My all the offer letters were blocked. It was in about 3 companies (good companies) where salary was also decided and offer letters were to be dispatched in a week but I never got them. It was in more than 5 companies where all my interviews well went but they said will think. The others think - I am either not suitable or I am an impossible stuff. A laughter.

It is the time I learned that ones' achievements can even be their negative points when one is applying for a job. Some feel my project is un-realistic !!! It is the time that taught me a lot of things. A laughter.

Then what keeps me going ?

Faith? if yes, in what?
Confidence? if yes, for what?
hope? if yes, about what?

I am still to find - what is what?

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Atit